i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
