he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
