Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize