Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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