Just mADE A PArabola og urine
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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