They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize