Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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