wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
