whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize