Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
is wine microwaveable?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
