Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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