I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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