Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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