I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
