i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
