i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
