So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
