Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
