You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
