just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
