Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How does one acquire holy water?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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