Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
