you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
