i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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