I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
