Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My vagina is very pro this idea
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
