So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize