Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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