I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
