names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
