He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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