we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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