My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
