the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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