Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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