Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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