I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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