To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
