gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
