I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
