Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
