He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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