I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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