I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
