My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
