He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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