I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
