I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
