I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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