The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize