Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
