Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
