In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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