there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
