we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
