I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
