i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
