He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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