Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
