I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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