SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
