next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize