I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's the barista slut.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize