when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
