to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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