i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My pussy is not your playground.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
