Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
