I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's shark week go big or go home
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
